“It was a privilege – an absolute pleasure and an honour to be his wife and soulmate.”
Those were the heartfelt words shared by the wife of Paul Abendroth, a chef who lived with Parkinson’s disease for 13 years.
Pat Abendroth, of Coronation Road, Holt, paid tribute to her husband of 40 years following his death on August 7.
The couple was known in the area for working at a number of popular eateries, in particular at Byford’s in Holt where they worked together for 14 years.
Paul Henry Abendroth was the first child of Jimmy and Margaret Abendroth and was born on December 29, 1956, at his grandparents' house on Magdalen Street, Norwich. His sister, Julie, was three years his junior.
Spending his youth in Cringleford, he attended the local primary school where his mother worked as a dinner lady. Despite her job, every day a young Mr Abendroth requested a home-packed lunch as it was far quicker to eat and would allow him more kickabout time on the football pitch during break time.
He continued to enjoy sports throughout his life, a highlight of his being the golf captain at The Links Country Park Hotel in West Runton, near Cromer.
He attended Wymondham High before training at City College Norwich (CCN) to be a chef – a vocation he enjoyed for his entire working life.
In 1979, soon after completing his qualifications, he took a job as a head waiter at the Phoenix Hotel, Dereham. It was here he met Pat, who at the time was working there as a function waitress before she attended CCN herself.
It was the only time Mr Abendroth would be her boss, as their careers saw them working together but often with Mrs Abendroth as his senior.
They worked together at a number of places, including running a pub in Buckinghamshire before settling down in north Norfolk almost 30 years ago.
The couple married at St Nicholas Church, Dereham, on June 5, 1982, and had two children; Rachel (1987) and Luke (1988).
Mr Abendroth’s career saw him cook for members of the Royal family – including Prince Charles and his sons William and Harry – when he worked as head chef at Barnham Broom golf and country club, between Wymondham and Dereham. He also worked at the Manor Hotel, Blakeney, Gresham’s School, Holt, and was seconded to a school in Chigwell, Essex.
But for 14 years, from 2004, the couple became the face of the Georgian town’s café and restaurant, Byfords, when Mr Abendroth became its pastry chef and Mrs Abendroth the delicatessen manager. It is estimated he baked around 20,000 sausage rolls in that time.
In 2009, Mr Abendroth was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease at the age of 51.
“We knew there was something wrong,” Mrs Abendroth, 60, said.
“As soon as we left the hospital after being told it was Parkinson’s, the first thing he said to me was ‘I’m going to raise as much money as possible for Parkinson’s UK’. That’s how he dealt with the news.”
And with the support of their family and friends that is exactly what the couple went on to do, raising more than £20,000 for charity as well as awareness of the disease.
Fundraisers have included a 316-mile bicycle ride across Britain, a two-day 50-mile walk, and dips in the sea during December.
Mrs Abendroth gave up work to look after her husband once he needed full-time care. He was diagnosed with dementia in 2018.
“When Paul was diagnosed, my mother said to me, 'Pat, this is that bit of your vows, for better or worse, in sickness or health, this is where it gets tough.'
“We’ve had such a good marriage and it was my vows that kept me going.
“There have been horrible moments but I knew he would have done the same for me except I would not have been as good of a patient as him.”
For the couple’s 40th wedding anniversary, Mrs Abendroth purchased a card for her husband to write in, a task their son Luke helped with by writing words in pencil for his dad to write over. It took more than 20 minutes, but when Luke returned to the room after a brief moment outside, he returned to see “Pat” written on the envelope.
“For that reason, it turned out that I will treasure that envelope even more so than the card,” Mrs Abendroth added.
“We knew we had a certain amount of time together so we didn’t put off anything we wanted to do. We had no regrets.
“Paul was the most enthusiastic, energetic person you could ever meet.
“We just fitted together and he just made everything easier. We never had to work at our marriage, it was just unconditional love for each other.
“We made memories right till the end and that is priceless.”
Mr Abendroth died aged 65. As well as his wife, children, and sister, he leaves behind his daughter-in-law Rachel and his aunt Janet.
His funeral will take place at Cromer Crematorium on Wednesday, September 7 at 1pm. Donations raised in his memory will be divided between Holt and District Dementia Support Group and Glaven Community Care Centre via www.paulabendroth.muchloved.com.
- To pay tribute to a loved one email norfolktributes@archant.co.uk
- To read more obituaries and tributes join the Facebook group Norfolk's Loved & Lost.
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