I heard it suggested how “scattergun voting”  in our recent General Election brought Norfolk and Waveney  its most politically diverse spread of MPs  in history.

I prefer to put it down to a vibrant democratic system and strongly suspect as usual that most derogatory labels doing the rounds have been stuck on the outcome by those who didn’t even bother to make a mark at all.

Just to give them something else to groan and moan about I can exclusively reveal Nelson’s County is now stirring to the thrilling possibility of turning a blind eye to history and becoming seriously stylish.

Yes, a corner so often the butt of metropolitan witticisms about flat vowels, awful roads, red-faced farmers noisy turkeys, truculent tractors and inbreeding  is ready to embrace a brand new image worthy of  a “rainbow region” status.

It all begins with  at least four households just outside the Burnhams cancelling The Land Worker and Methodist Recorder from their newsagents and asking instead for introductory offers for The Field, Vogue, Tattler and Westminster Gazette .

Sixteen former wherrymen from the Dilham area have pooled their redundancy monies  to invest in a yacht marina, restaurant and floating nightclub  venture in Old Hunstanton.

A dozen ex-trappers formed a consortium to organise coypu-hunting safaris across grazing land at Brisley.  A lottery grant and big-game licence are awaited.

This is the but the start of a “Nouveau Norfolk” campaign destined to blow away cobwebs of suspicion and dust of insularity besetting the scene since surprise visits by Dastardly Danes and Vicious Vikings.

This fresh spirit of ambition, styled partly out of economic necessity in bits of the county where decimal currency has yet to  fully accepted – Winfarthing and Quidenham lead the resistance  - is a key plank in the building of Norfolk’s reputation as a truly appealing quarter.

Of course, it’s a dual carriageway to this Promised Land, and those who would be correctly addressed after fleeing from the capital and its sprawling tentacles must travel in the same direction and at roughly the same speed as their provincial partners.

It must mean an end to traditional warring over street lighting, sparring over nominations for the parish council and tarring all natives with the same scruffy brush.

Weekenders and second-homers, so often targets of misguided abuse  when property prices soar and bingo sessions are cancelled through dwindling support, must make themselves available for carol singing,  clearing away tables after bridge tournaments, running “drench the wench” or “soak the bloke” at the church fete and organise petitions against too much development and closure of the local delicatessen

This sort of give-and-take can only enhance Norfolk’s right to be taken seriously as a member of the smart set. Too much take from either side will cast a shadow over the plumpest partridges  and any new wallpaper range inspired by Bacton gas terminal or Great Yarmouth’s Golden Mile. 

There are also exciting hopes for the county to break into sport’s premier division following Skeyton’ s surprise bid to stage the 2034 Winter Olympics. The fine parish of Trunch is being urged go for the 20038  World Cup football finals, not least as there would be no problems persuading their North Norfolk neighbours to build stadia for  earlier rounds, Gimingham, Trimingham, Knapton, Northrepps and Southrepps are others in that famous bunch... FIFA could soon learn the old rhyme. 

Beetley expects to be added to the list of Test Match cricket arenas. A better track record than Old Trafford for weather, but the nearby rural life museum at Gressenhall offers an attractive alternative if it should rain. British Grand Prix action could well be shared between Barton Bendish, Kilverstone and Carbrooke, Open Golf at Etling Green, near East Dereham,  or Three Holes. Close to Upwell, is a distinct possibility.

There’s also animated talk of world canoeing championships at North Creake (without a paddle), the Boat Race switched to Dilham Canal, Grand National  at Horsey, athletics at Runham, with  drug-testing at Pott Row, and angling competitions at Wormegay, picking up rods and reels at Tacolneston.

If these sporting spectaculars take off - and fringe benefits could include international television coverage and new rural bus routes – other locations will be keen to get on the “honeypot” map, playing hosts to a conference, seminar, show or exhibition  best suited to its name.

The British Medical  Association couldn’t fail to embrace Feltwell. The Do-It-Yourself Society might  take to the stage at Shelfanger. Funeral directors will flock to Paston. The Magic Circle must head for Howe.

The Police Federation could keep a summer date at Melton Constable. The Divorced and Separated Society can find a shoulder to cry on at Ditchingham.

Yes, these are tingling times for the movement designed to transform dear old Norfolk from a sleepy backwater into the place where everyone wants to  be seen and celebrated.